Hey friend, I want to welcome you back to Take Space. This is your weekly space to be, become, and grow. The space to become her anyway. I got so much amazing feedback on last week’s topic, and if you haven’t had a chance to go read it yet. Click here to go read it.
This week I want to talk about a part of healing no one really prepares us for.
Last week, we talked about how to show up when we don’t know what showing up looks like. It’s something deeper that happens after we’ve been hurt, we stop trusting ourselves.
Sometimes the effects of us not trusting ourselves is quiet and slow, other times it’s instant and sharp. Whether it’s quick or a slow burn we all have moments where we begin to ask ourselves:
How did I miss it?
Why didn’t I speak up?
How did I get it so wrong?
And if you’ve ever asked those questions, I want you to know: You’re not the only one.
I know that seasons have these ebbs and flows of gain and loss, I mean Ecclesiastes tells us this, there’s a time for everything. I remember during a season of loss in my life, I didn’t just grieve the life I thought I would have, but I grieved the version of myself I was forced to become. I kept ruminating over the same thought over and over “You should’ve known better. You should’ve left sooner. You should’ve listened to that voice inside.” I was expecting the past version of myself to make a decision that present me would appreciate and future me had the wisdom and discernment on.
Maybe you’ve been there in those trenches too, or maybe you’re still there. You know the trenches I’m talking about, where you’ve gotten lost, or delayed, or felt denial, rejection, abandonment, trauma, and not only do you not trust people, but you don’t trust yourself.
You begin to second guess every decision you make, you replay moments like cinematic movies to see where things went wrong, you hesitate and procrastinate not because you’re lazy, but because you’re afraid.
You’re afraid of choosing wrong again, afraid of opening up again, afraid of disappointing God, disappointing yourself, getting your hopes up to be let down.
Today I want to take space for that part of you. The part that feels like it can’t be trusted, the part that’s hiding behind hyper-independence, perfectionism, and deep procrastination. The part of you that wants someone to say, “I see you, you can heal from this”.
The process of self-trust doesn’t disappear out of nowhere. It can slip away in stages. Sometimes that looks like compromising, sometimes that looks like betrayal, sometimes it’s being hurt in a space that was meant to protect you, sometimes that’s family dysfunction, sometimes that’s emotional neglect, and before you know it you can’t tell the difference between your voice and someone else’s.
What happens biologically to us when we operate this way? Our nervous system begins to adjust, we begin to overanalyze, over apologize, over function, or we just shut down completely.
What happens spiritually to us when we operate this way? We begin to think that God is punishing us, that we don’t deserve good things, that this is our “karma” but here is the truth. God created you with a soul, and your soul is “your mind, your will, and your emotions” and when we root our trust in Him, and not others we can begin to partner with Him.
A 5-Step Process to Rebuild Trust with Yourself (and God)
1. Identify the Moment You Stopped Trusting Yourself
You can’t heal what you haven’t named, and God cannot fight what you won’t face. Pause and ask:
“When did I stop trusting myself?”
Maybe it was a relationship that ended badly, maybe it was a decision that didn’t pan out the way you expected, maybe someone sat and convinced you that what you brought to the table wasn’t enough.
Take space to write it down.
“I started to doubt myself when…”
“I felt ashamed of myself after…”
Naming the moment is the beginning of reclaiming your voice.
2. Separate Your Voice from the Wound
When trauma or disappointment happens, it can confuse your inner voice. Fear begins to sound like wisdom. Perfectionism feels like discernment. Avoidance feels like peace.
Ask yourself honestly:
“Is this decision coming from fear… or faith?”
“Is this silence rooted in wisdom… or shame?”
Begin to notice what’s your voice versus what’s your wound.
Then invite God into that noticing:
“Lord, help me hear You, silence every voice that is not yours. I only want to speak, say, and do what pleases you”.
3. Honor Small Agreements With Yourself
You don’t have to rebuild your whole life in one week. How can you begin to heal from what others have done, if you don’t first rebuild trust with yourself. Alot of our “bad” habits come from a distrust within ourselves.
Try:
Waking up and doing something you said you would (even if it’s just drinking water)
Saying “no” when you mean no
Giving yourself permission to rest without explaining why
When you keep promises to yourself, no matter how small, you start to say:
“I see you. I will not abandon you again.”
4. Practice Confession Without Condemnation
There is a difference between conviction and condemnation.
Condemnation says: “You should’ve known better.”
Conviction says: “Now that you know, you can choose better next time.”
Speak this over yourself:
“I may have missed it. I may have made a mistake.
But I am not a mistake.
And I am still worthy in God’s eyes.”
Allow yourself to grieve without punishing yourself.
5. Invite God to Rebuild Your Confidence
Fruit is the conclusion of your actions (wise words from my husband). To see the fruit you desire, we have to change how we act and how we respond. We have to fully allow God in, to work and mend places that only He can, to give strategy and insight that only He knows how.
Here are some journal prompts you can sit with this week. Don’t rush. Just let them rise.
When did I start doubting my own voice?
Where have I been punishing myself instead of inviting God into my pain?
What’s one area I could honor myself again without fear or performance?
If God still trusts and will still use me, what’s stopping me from trusting me too?
This space is for your voice too. Each week, I’ll respond to a listener’s question, story, or prayer request.
One of our anonymous sisters wrote in and said this “I feel like I keep betraying myself. I say I’m going to stop going back, and then I go back. I say I’m going to let it go, but I don’t. How do I move forward when I’m the one holding myself back?”
You’ve taken the first step to moving forward…awareness. You’ve recognized that you are the one putting yourself in the same cycles over and over. Alot of the indecision is built in unbelief. When we fail to believe that God is good, he’s merciful, he’s just, and he has our best interest at heart we begin to take matters into our own hands. This lack of belief in him is where our desire to “fix” things come from or “perform” on a level that’s “pleasing” to him. You have to break down every false idea of who you think God is and allow Him to show you who he is. You don’t have to go back and forth in your decisions, you don’t have to be on the fence anymore, God has given you power and autonomy to make decisions. You can choose to be free, even if freedom is foreign to you. Betrayal doesn’t have to be your portion anymore.
If this met you where you are, I’d love to hear from you.
You can reply to this post, send in a question for next week’s Inner Room, or forward this to a friend who’s trying to trust herself again, too.
Next week, we’re going deeper.
The title: “I Forgave You, But I Still Don’t Feel Free.”
We’re talking about forgiveness, resentment, and what to do when your heart isn’t as healed as your mouth says it is.
Until then,
Take space to rest.
Take space to listen.
Take space to become her anyway.
💛
Dr. Kelsei
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