Hey friend,
I’m so glad that you took a moment to take space with me. I want to welcome you to my new sacred space, Becoming Her Anyway. This space for the woman who’s holding the pieces of what she thought life would be like, the woman who’s grieving and holding onto past versions of herself, the woman wondering if after everything she’s been through…can God use her? She knows that God can, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like God will.
Today I want to talk about becoming her after everything fell apart, but this just won’t be about healing, but about beginning, about showing up even when you don’t know what showing up looks like.
I want to start by telling you a little about my life.
I remember the exact moment everything shfited for me. I was laying down in the hospital bed after a failed suicide attempt seven months pregnant, and the truth finally hit me:
I was killing myself because of my own disobedience.
I was killing myself because I was scared of doing life alone.
I was killing myself because I was scared to show up for me.
This is not what I planned for my life, this isn’t the version of my life I dreamed in my head, but this was the moment that was divinely orchestrated for me to get on the path God designed for me. At that moment, I didn’t know how to show up for myself, but I knew I had a daughter that was going to depend on me to teach her the foundations of a woman. I had to gather myself and my emotions and figure out how to show up for her. I had to figure out what this version of myself looked like and how can I appreciate HER more. I can’t get caught up in past versions of myself, I can’t get stuck on what I should have done in that situation, what would have happened if I would have just listened to God, or what I could have done, I have only the pieces that have been given to me, and I have to work with that.
When things in our life fall apart, espeically things like trust, a relationship, a family member hurting us, our own belief in God, we don’t just lose that thing, but we lose our sense of safety, our sense of identity, our sense of direction.
Psycholgically, our brains are going out of its way to find meaning, to find whatever you believe to be true. If you constantly think “no one wants me” your brain will go out of its way to prove that thought to be true. Our brain goes and starts looking for answers, someone to blame, someone to fix, something to do to feel valuable, worthy, loved even. Spiritually we begin to think, “God doesn’t want anything to do with me”, “I’m too far gone for His help now”.
I want to say something, and I’m going to hold your hand while I say it. The falling apart didn’t disqualify you, it didn’t break you, it located your wounds. You know the wounds, the wounds we try to downplay but they really still hurt, the wounds we mask as our personality but they’re really a trauma response, the wounds of who we THINK we should be in front of other people but that’s not really who we are, yeah…those wounds.
Psalms 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” When everything fell apart for me, I didn’t feel God’s closeness right away. I felt his divine protection when in that hospital room (what I now know to be an angel of the Lord, came and told me that I was killing myself by staying. I know that was God protecting me, and over time, gently he begain to mend my heart back together, he begin to change my mind, and I begin to see his Hand more and more in my life.
So maybe you’re asking:
“How do I start over?”
“How do I trust again?”
“How do I become… from here?”
1. Name Where You Are
Before you try to “fix” it, just be honest. Name the truth:
I feel lost.
I’m numb.
I want to heal, but I don’t know how.
There is power in naming the mounatain, if you can never name the mountain, you can never speak to it. You don’t have to pretend to be okay to move forward. You just have to be present.
2. Anchor to One Truth
When everything feels uncertain, anchor yourself to one thing that is steady. Maybe it’s:
A Scripture like Psalm 34:18
A meditation prayer: “God is near. I am not alone.”
Flash cards that remind you of His truth.
Find something when the thoughts and emotions become overwhelming, you have something to anchor yourself on.
3. Tend to Your Body
Sometimes the bravest spiritual act is taking care of this body we were called to steward. Maybe that’s not eating out as much, finding some home workouts to do, drinking more water, finding a skincare routine that actually works for you, getting some sleep at night instead of doom scrolling.
4. Let One Safe Person In
You don’t have to tell your whole story. Just one sentence:
“I’m in a hard space right now. I don’t need fixing. I just wanted you to know.”
Find someone that you trust, find community that you can do life with. If you’re looking for a Christian Therapist, I do have a 100% free Christian Therapist Directory.
You don’t need to rush into becoming.
Just take space.
Take space to grieve the gap between what you thought would be and what is.
Take space to believe that even now everything you desire that aligns with God’s will is still avaliable to you. You’re not behind. You’re being built.
Sometime this week, I invite you to sit with these questions:
What has fallen apart that I haven’t had the words to name?
What did I lose that I’m still trying to pretend I’m over?
This space is for your voice too. Each week, I’ll respond to a listener’s question, story, or prayer request.
Our sweet sister Jessica emailed me this: “I don’t know exactly when it broke. There wasn’t one huge moment it was more like a bunch of small ones stacked on top of each other. The day I realized I couldn’t remember the last time I felt like myself. It’s weird, because nothing dramatic happened, but I still feel hollow. I think I just got tired of hoping. Everyone tells me I’m strong, but honestly? I feel like I’m just going through the motions. I’m not angry. I’m not even sad all the time. I’m just… numb. And I guess my question is: How do you become anything when you feel like you’ve forgotten who you are?”
Hi Jessica!
I want to tell you this…your identity doesn’t come from anyone else but God, when we place our identity in the work we do, the people we call friends, the person we love, the things we do for fun we’re setting ourselves up to be hurt. Why? They didn’t create you, so they can’t affirm you. If I want to know more about the car I drive, I’m not going to ask the car salesman (although it is their job to know the vehicle, they still won’t know all the features). I’m going to go read the manual that’s in my glove compartment. The manual was created by the manufacturers to tell me everything about my car. We’re expecting our parents, our family, our church, our friends to give us an identity that only God knows. I urge you to go into his Word, to figure out what HE has called you to, your numbness comes from your avoidance of his presence. I urge you to get into his presence, and pour out everything. I’m rooting for you girl!
I want to end with this and let you know that you’re still worthy of healing even if you think you’re the one who made the mess, or the one cleaning up the mess someone else made.
If this episode touched something tender in you:
Reply to this post or DM me. I’d love to hear your story.
Share this with a friend who’s in a season of rebuilding.
And subscribe to make sure you don’t miss next week’s episode: “I Don’t Trust Me Either”
We’re not rushing this. We’re taking space to become together.
Until next time,
💛 Dr. Kelsei
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